As a series
of high profile sexual misconduct to harassment charges sweep modern urban India,
there is fear all around and a sense of wariness with even hiring female
employees. So, which way does the wind blow? Are women making false claims or
are Indian men fiends just waiting to attack women at work place? Maybe neither!
I worked in
a corporate for a good 9 years and that too a male dominated one and reported
to umpteen bosses and worked with so many male colleagues in teams etc. But not
once (not even once) in soooo many years did a direct boss of mine ever made
any inappropriate remark, gesture, romantic overture or any kind of word or
action that made me ‘uncomfortable’ even for a moment. But that is not to say
harassment does not happen as it undoubtedly does but those males are in a
minority. Majority of Indian males are pretty decent to work with, going by my
experience. So, where is the problem? Ah well, the problem is the odd times
when these things do happen. The organizations take on a highly defensive
position and are wary of the female complainant. This is not to say women never
make false complaints, perhaps they do but that should not be the base
assumption because then it plays into the hands of those who harass. If the
Tehelka employee’s complaint had been addressed professionally, perhaps a
fairer treatment would have resulted but the senior female executive she
approached simply dismissed her. That is the problem. I still don’t know
whether or not Tejpal is guilty of what he is accused of – but the dodging and
inability to follow a decent process is what put them in the box, I think.
That is the
crux of our problem.
Instead of all this fear mongering, if complainants are addressed
in a humane and sensitive manner and they feel they have been heard and their
complaints paid due attention to, they may have no issues. For instance a young
lady complained of harassment by a retired Judge and immediately a full inquiry
was done which did hold him guilty. Even though no punishment has been
pronounced, in some sense truth is justice. It is no surprise then that the
young lady is not demanding any stringent action etc. I’m sure there is peace
in her heart.
I can’t
help but relate an incident that happened in a British school few years ago. Over
some sort of semi racist remark etc. I took up the matter with the Principal. And
the complaint pertained to his second in command and best buddy actually. So
what happened? Well, first he called me, listened to me, took down notes and
requested me for some time. I felt great just being heard. Then there was the
usual politics with some teacher trying to portray the child badly and a little
to and fro. But Mr. Thomas already asked me who my trusted teachers were and
cross checked everything with them as well as me. All this was shared with me
openly. After about two weeks of this process, he apologized to me and said yes
a little wrong seems to have happened but nothing warranting any serious
action. I agreed with him and was actually floored. WOW is the word that
repeatedly came to my mind as it does even now when I think back. No harm done
to anyone; I felt great and the wrong doer got the warning and yet no one was
shamed or hurt and I thought it was a win win solution.
To my mind,
that is all that is required – a fair and decent process. However, in our
society, there is always a tendency to duck and dodge all such issues. There is
some kind of paranoia about women making false complaints and so police does
not file FIRs, corporate do not address issues professionally as and when they
arise and that is what compounds the problem. Wrong doers get away and too much
mud raking happens in the media while a decent closed door process could have
handled it simply. And will expensive lawsuits help? I doubt it; more like they would hinder the crippled process further as the paranoia will only go up.
Now coming
to the second point (and please bear with me, there is also a third). Nirbhaya assault case is one of the most
heinous of crimes that shook the nation. Yet the perpetrators’ faces and
identity was never revealed until the trial was over and a guilty verdict
passed. I do not see how then a Tejpal or Judge Ganguly can simply become the
cover story of every magazine. Accusation does not necessarily mean guilt. So,
one law for all. Being falsely accused of sexual harassment or assault is akin
to the shame of a rape for a man. So I think there should be investigation and
all that but they shouldn’t be pronounced guilty in media stories and their
identities revealed prematurely with intent to shame. Sensitive and discreet
handling would help the process to be more fair, but of course if there was a
process in the first place. So we come back to that as the crux of the problem.
Ok now last
but not the least, how the hell is breaking a live in relationship akin to a
rape? I just don’t get it. Ok if there is a child out of that relationship, you
should be granted maintenance but if you believe a physical relationship means
marriage, well ladies, wait to get married. Yea rejection is not easy; don’t we
hear men going around throwing acid on women if they say no? No one likes to be
dumped but well, if we are moving with the times, and stepping out of the
arranged marriage mould then expect to be dumped and the same could be said to
the men folk too. Risk of rejection or one party moving on is always a possibility
or risk in any relationship. If you take it you take it, there is no crying
rape afterwards, no matter how miserable the breakup makes you. So the recent High court verdicts are too
strange actually. What if a woman walks out of a live in relationship – can the
man claim rape? What makes High court think that women can only be misused and they
don’t actually enjoy the physical act? If it was a willful act, it is not rape.
It would be better if the justice system would focus on these brutal assaults on
women children that are so common place nowadays which are actually rape than now
trying to make heartbreak an illegal act.
It is
simple really if we don’t complicate it!
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